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Virgo

Holla
Holla
Virgo

Yes, that’s my star sign. The sixth sign of the Zodiac. Those born under this sign are forever the butt of jokes for being very picky and critical (okay, now I understand myself) and we like to help others.

Virgos loves everything streamlined and systematised. Positive Virgo traits are being helpful, resourceful, hardworking and very witty. Virgos are peacemakers, non-confrontational and loves an audience but shun the glitter going along with it.

Yes, yes…I share the same star sign as Michael Jackson, Warren Buffet, Mother Theresa, Brazil’s Ronaldo. Ja nee, I am in a group of heavyweights, onsvatikaki…julle moet ver gaan speel! We make the world go round.

Maar nou ja…it all depends on how you look at all of this sowaar! I remember as a teenager, pimple-faced and very unsure about myself I would grab the weekly Drum, Huisgenoot en Keur to check out my Zodiac sign horoscope. I would then carefully analyse what my life would be like for the rest of the week.

If I had a fight with my girlfriend, and she looks like she might not take me back I would consult the Drum horoscope, surely she will take me back. If I was broke in 1988, my mother refused to give me money to go to Club Thriller, of course Huisgenoot will come to my rescue and save my weekend!

In my 20’s I became even more desperate reading my weekly horoscope, since you are at a stage of your life you experience many transitions. I was never sure of myself, I could just never take any chance in not checking my weekly horoscope to figure out my next move.

Now you see, there are a few things that have happened in my life that make me question these horoscope goete. I can take my own life and a lot of things are contradicting Thor and Hagar’s gods. Here are a few things promised by Zeus that never materialised for me.

“This will be your breakout year in terms of your finances”, fusheke tog, my water was cut off three times this year! I had to go make arrangements with Robert Kahimise to reconnect me!

“You will find a new love, your love life will go through a new renaissance of joy and romantic bliss.”’ Well, I am still with the same wife…her mother doesn’t want to take her back. I am sure my kids will moer me so hard if I find a new love, chances are I will be the one moving back to my mother. K*k storie!

“You will welcome new friends in your life, they will add more meaning to your existence.”’ Hou tog op k*k praat asseblief, I am 47 years old, I am in no mood for new friends…the ones I have now I will die with.

“Your health will be excellent, the extra energy you have will see you enjoy many outings.”  I have had a back and shoulder pain since I came back from Loftus a few weeks ago. I have not been to the gym since, talk more and I will moer you myself!

So guys, julle met julle se horoscopes…a truck approaching you in the same lane on the Otjiwarongo road will have a bigger impact on your life than your star sign.

There are 12 star signs in the Zodiac, but over 7 billion people on earth…are all those Virgos out there the same as me…grumpy over weekends, hating malls and farting under the marital blanket?

Ami mbaurua tjinene, sowaar ek’s moeg vir die nonsense. Believe in yourself and your abilities, and sobiso…we are going for a ritual in Otjinene this weekend to consult the Holy Fire. Ons stel nie belang nie!

So, Virgo jou moer!

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